Anyway-
I had a most interesting conversation two nights with a good friend of mine about dating. I thought she said some interesting and insightful things, and with her permission I'm posting some excerpts. I won't really give any commentary on it, since I know it can be understood differently by different people. Hopefully it's as beneficial for you as it was for me since I know a few of you sent me messages via email and text saying how it helped to read previous posts and how they helped you feel like you were totally normal for having similar things run through your head.
And of course, give feedback. In a perfect world everyone would know the rules of the game and how to play, but of course everyone is different so it's not "one size fits all". Keep the emails coming- we'll address those questions in the next post. I promise.
Happy Thanksgiving!
Friend: you are like me in that you don't date like mormon
me: how's that
10:34 PM Friend: you are LDS but not mormon
Friend: mormons play the game we all hate b/c they don't know how to date other wise
10:36 PM Friend: if you are direct then you are putting to much of yourself out there and that is just "too big of a risk"
Friend: to lay all your chips on the table and say "i like you" is a risk b/c you don't know if that person likes you back
so you say "i like you"
and if they like you, GREAT!
if not, you're SOL and in your shoes
i know that it sucks and it's not fair b/c if everyone would just be honest and not jugde anyone and not take offence then it would be easier
but it's not like that
you have to hold your tounge and say only what is needed and nothing more
This friend then proceeded to compare dating to deer hunting. It was pretty funny, and quite interesting, but too long to post. Use your imagination- I'm sure you'll get the picture.
Then the idea of "tunnel vision" got brought up a good while later:
11:24 PM me: and as for the tunnel, I am too stuck in my ways to not have tunnel vision
if a girl impresses me enough to have me focus on her or give her any attention, she deserves 100% of it
no girl should feel like she's just one of many options
after all, like I always say, "don't make someone your priority if you are only their option"
11:25 PM I've seen the effect it has on girls when they feel like they are second-best
Friend: you are one in a million jared
me: every girl deserves to feel like she is fantastic, and giving any fraction of my attention to another girl in that sense flies in the face of how I will someday treat my wife
11:26 PM I would want my wife to tell my children with no reservations that from day one, I gave her my full attention
Friend: you are an anomily that most girls dont understand
So there you have it. A girl that explained to me the mystery of why being so direct with females is such risky business. Considering that we went from talking about that, to deer, to tunnel vision, I would say I'm pretty much ready to don some flourescent orange, go buy a shotgun and go bag myself a deer (the animal, that is). Of course, more details were shared, but I'm only going to post the "aha!" moments on here for your benefit. Also, I didn't know that the whole "dating game" thing was just a Mormon thing- I thought it was everyone in general. But it does explain some things that I'm not sure I understood before.
As for that last part, I included it because I found it important to include something of my thought process when it comes to the tunnel vision. And of course, I know some of you gentlemen that emailed me this past week were asking about why girls don't appreciate that line of thinking and if I could shed some light on that by asking around. Apparently some do, but the majority don't. The trick, it seems, is finding the ones that are single.
Happy Hunting!
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