Career vs Family, With a Cherry on Top

Before I proceed, I wanted to give the promised shout-out to Marissa and Claire (I hope I spelled your names right).  I was stopped on campus this week by these two fine ladies (I don't think they know each other, they caught me on different days) and they asked me if I was the guy that wrote on this particular blog.  They thanked me for taking the time to write, and I thank them for reading and giving me great feedback through email and IM week in and week out.  Hopefully this blog continues to give you the courage to call guys out and not let them get away with being vague, immature or stupid. When we as guys get told by girls that they expect better, we can't help but want to be better.  In the most objective way possible, you are both extremely attractive, and you have the intellect to match.  Keep up the good work!

I've tried for quite a while now to follow the advice of Lucy Mack Smith to her son, the Prophet Joseph: "Marry above yourself".  Sound advice.  I've also taken it to mean "Date Above Yourself", which I think is also true.  Pride has no place in a relationship, and if you are constantly wowed and looking up to the person you choose to spend your time and life with, you will continually strive to be your best, to impress that person, to serve them selflessly and put their happiness, desires and dreams above your own.  You learn the principle of sacrifice, charity, humility, and every other godly attribute we are expected to develop in this life and throughout the eternities.

That said, how do you pull this off?  While this is a good ideal to try to live up to, the more I think about it, the more I get frustrated.  If I really do shoot for someone that I feel is my superior, it seems like a fruitless effort- after all, why would they want me if they are the ones standing on the high ground?  Yes, we all have redeeming qualities, but if this is true then there is also such a thing as "not good enough".  You don't want to settle and sell yourself short by being with someone that doesn't elevate you to the highest cloud in Heaven, but at the same time going for that person is the equivalent of being two and trying to reach the kitchen counter- you can't do it no matter how hard you try.  No amount of sincere, heartfelt desire and belief will make you grow a few more inches magically, even if you go the extra mile by thinking really hard, squinting your eyes saying "pretty please with a cherry on top."

Nick said something very interesting yesterday in discussing the whole "just give up" predicament.  Am I doing these things so I can feel accomplished, or for other reasons?  I think it's part of both- I explained to a very special friend in early January that I am trying to prove to myself that I am capable of going after something (or someone) and, well, winning.  I wanted to be able to hear in my mind, "I did it.  I really was good enough".  Everyone falls short in life, no surprise there, but once in a while you want to just win at something, knowing that despite your shortcomings you were able to overcome it and that you as a person were good enough to deserve the time and attention of someone else.

That might seem self-centered, but I do it for the right reasons as well.  If I really do think that highly of a person, then I would take a risk and give all I have in making their happiness the focus of my attention.  It's tied to the principle of charity- you want to see them realize their dreams and find happiness, even if that means having to sacrifice what you want the most.  Aunt May, the cute old lady that is Peter Parker's (Spider-Man's) aunt, said it best:

"People need a hero. Courageous, self-sacrificing people. Setting examples for all of us. I believe there's a hero in all of us- that keeps us honest, gives us strength, makes us noble, and finally allows us to die with pride, even though sometimes we have to be steady, and give up the thing we want the most. Even our dreams…"

 And so I have meditated on that this week.  My dream is to work in one of the national security agencies, I love everything about it and the more I learn, the more interviews I go through, the more I want to do it.  But I noticed some time ago that this kind of career, although great, is in direct conflict with my desire to marry, have a family and make them the purpose for all that I do in this life.  So I decided to explore other options, because these things are way to important to me.

Now I am coming to the realization that something like this may be out of my grasp altogether.  Reading scriptures, praying, being faithful in my callings, and all of these things are no guarantee that these things will happen.  So I've been thinking twice about my earlier decision about my career- when I did it, I got some undeniable promptings of the Spirit that my priorities should be changed to put marriage and family at the number one spot, so I did.  But now I wonder if I should just stop bothering with girls and instead go full speed ahead with my career in the Intelligence Community.  I am at a crossroads where I need to decide very soon whether or not I have the courage to give up my dreams.  If there was ever a time I needed a stabilizing influence in my life, this is it.

My thinking is that if having an eternal companion and a family isn't meant for me, the absolute least I can do is use my time on this Earth serving others and ensuring the safety of our nation against those who would destroy all that is good and sacred.  As long as I can labor on behalf of others, even if they are total strangers, and what I sacrifice and do to protect others is never known or recognized, I will be able to keep walking with confidence in the approval of my Heavenly Father.  When we make covenants with God, He expects us to give up everything that we are and hope to be in exchange for what he wants for us.  I think I am only now starting to scratch the surface in understanding what that kind of commitment means.