For now, however, I'm going to focus on a long-enough story that had to do with this blog specifically (that way it's not just about my life, since I have my own blog for that). It's a story we've ALL either seen or been a part of, so I think this will keep you on the edge of your seats. One of my friends was chatting with me on Facebook and she needed advice on how to tell a guy she wasn't interested in to pretty much not text her or invite her to do things with him anymore. They had gone on a date this past weekend and she's not into him at all.
Here's where I shine. Or at least, I like to think so.
The predicament was a familiar one: girl goes on one date, girl doesn't really find him attractive, guy keeps trying to get her to do something with him, girl feels bad, doesn't respond to the text right away, girl feels cornered and doesn't want to hurt his self-esteem/feelings. I think we've all been through that, I know I have (on the opposite side, of course- I like girls very much). So then she asks me for advice.
My advice is the same I would give to any other friend that I find in a similar situation: tell it how it is. "hey, thanks for your effort, but I'm not really interested in you. Sorry!" Don't get me wrong- I don't think it's a bad thing to feel bad when you're in this kind of situation, because not feeling bad means you are heartless. A measure of guilt or worry about how it'll affect the other person is a sign that you are a considerate person and understand how big of a deal it could be to some people. But I made sure my friend understood this point, and that it's SO much better when you tell the person straight-up instead of sugar coating the truth.
Both guys and girls know this is true: if someone tells you "I still want to be friends/you're a nice guy or girl/I still want to hang out with you", you try to exercise some hope by saying "hey, there's still a chance. I just gotta be persistent and work at it". All of us see it as a cracked door that we might be able to open more widely over time. That's why it's so important to just be honest (while at the same time being kind)- the person doesn't get their hopes up, so they don't feel as bad or get emotionally invested like they would over a long period of time. Plus then you don't lose sleep or get stressed in either waiting for that phone call/text, or in trying to decide what to say. It's not as hard as people make it out to be, and it takes a great deal of courage to do so. I really do think it's more respectful and loving to be honest to someone with things like this, because if you are it shows you value them enough NOT to waste their time.
It's hard, yes, but it's possible.
And of course, I have a happy ending to that story. I called my friend after she send me the draft of what she was going to tell this guy (it was at midnight, I was on my way to Wal-Mart). She sent it, and she said she was going to let me know how it all turned out, and I let her know I looked forward to it.
I got a text at 7:30 this morning saying the following:
"Success! I got positive results!"
See what I mean? IT WORKS! So girls, don't be afraid to shut a guy down if you're not interested- we have more respect and admiration for girls that have the conviction and strength to be honest with their feelings, compared to girls that beat around the bush and never get to the point. That's a strength of character, and we know you are all capable of it. As are guys, because we deal with the same situations too.
Any man worth his salt will not be offended if a girl is honest and says she's not interested. If they do, then quit wasting your time with that guy/girl. They obviously have some things to take care of before in their lives and aren't ready to be in a relationship anyway.
If the guy or girl is playing games and dragging things on instead of addressing the issue...that's an entirely different story. That's just stupid and unnecessary.
That's salt, by the way.
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