Yesterday I had the privilege of speaking to a girl that was doing homework with one of my roommates, and of course, relationships got brought up. I feel she had some interesting insights worth posting.
She used a metaphor that girls go throughout their lives with "pillowcases"- a place where they deposit emotions and feelings. They fill it with batteries, one at a time- some are big, some are small. Each of these batteries can be a particular episode, and sooner or later it gets so heavy that all of a sudden the girl snaps and swings that pillowcase at the nearest guy, all in the name of venting their frustration.
Ok, so I'm not sure why batteries were the example, but maybe I missed something. In any case, I made the mental connection that "oh wait, if you're a guy, and the straw that breaks the camel's back falls when you are around, you are going to get whacked. No matter that you had nothing to do with the whole thing- you just happen to be the next closest person that they can attack. Poor guy, too, because chances are that if he's around the girl consistently like that, he's either A) a good friend or B) interested in this girl. By whacking this guy that is being patient and trying to be a friend, they lose every time- you either sabotage the relationship OR you scare off the guy from liking you because you flip out.
The other point was one of those "OH DUH!" moments that we all have- something we instinctively know is true, but until we hear someone put it into words, it's just barely out of our thinking.
This wise girl pointed out that the reason why guys and girls differ in their communication style is because girls try to avoid confrontations at all costs. It's not that they're cowards- rather, they simply see anything resembling a DTR (Define The Relationship) or one-on-one talk with a guy as a bad thing. Yes, I know, all girls aren't like this, but I can see where my friend was coming from, because when you have discussions like that you half-expect a worst-case scenario, a huge mess that just gets people's feelings hurt.
Guys, however, see those kinds of interactions in a much m ore positive light- a very clear, direct, simple method of resolving issues. Yes, it still has the potential to be a big mess, but at the end of the day it provides an opportunity to really flesh things out between two people and make sure you're both on the same page.
I spoke to my friend and I made the comparison between these approaches to the way that guys and girls argue among themselves. Girls, unfortunately, are just like the characters from "Mean Girls"- they talk smack behind each other's backs, never getting physical, and try to avoid confronting the other person. Guys, on the other hand, are quite different- if I have an issue with my roommates or a friend of mine, I tell them one-on-one as soon as I possibly can just so I can have that load taken off my shoulders. And if that doesn't work, or you are that angry, you fight. Guys, however, will fight for a few minutes, maybe someone will get knocked out, but after the fight is over you are back to being good friends again.
Kinda like the difference between pulling off a Band-Aid really quickly (intense, sharp pain, but lasts a very short amount of time) or trying to pull it as slow as possible (less intense pain, but is over a long period of time). Guys just yank- girls pull ever-so-slowly.
Cute
Anyway, a number of other things were said, but it's 12:45am on a Monday and I have a final at 9:30 and another at 11:30. I need to sleep, so I'll indulge into this much later. If I can remember what else was said, that is.
All I know is that this girl helped me see things a bit more clearly. Spot on.
0 comments:
Post a Comment