Midwest Mannequins

I swear, there's no lack of material for this blog.  I could probably blog daily, but my fingers wouldn't be able to handle it, but at least I'm not a victim of Writer's Block.

This post goes hand in hand with my personal blog (just like my last post), so if you think I'm totally cynical and that I totally hate girls, then you should probably read it so you don't assume I'll get struck by lightning or have a house fall on me from the sky, causing me to shrivel up like the Wicked Witch of the West.

I had three intriguing conversations this past week with three girls that I have known for a long time: one girl was from back home (Ohio), and two are from here in Utah.  It might seem I go out of my way to have these conversations about relationships (and yes, there are times I ask people I trust for advice, etc), but most of the time it just gets brought up without my doing anything.  That's what you get for being single, attending college and living in Utah.  What made these conversations (and comments by the girls) so interesting was that they don't know each other and they all said essentially the same thing, so it got me thinking.

First conversation: Sunday.  Let's call her Margaret (of course that's not her real name).  This girl has been my classmate since 4th grade, when I moved to Ohio, and we have been pretty good friends since then.  She even wrote me on my mission, which was all the more meaningful since she's not a member of the Church (most people back home wrote me one, maybe two letters, while I was out there and after that they forgot that I existed).  I was talking to her on the phone and she was asking me if I had any exciting plans for this week, besides it being the start of Spring Semester.  I mentioned to her that I was going to a wedding reception on Saturday (yesterday), and she asked me if I was dating anyone. 

Before I continue, let me just say that the way I responded to her question here was different than how I would respond to someone in Utah.  Mainly because if you're not dating someone or on the fast track to marriage out here, people look at you as if there's something wrong with you.  In Ohio, that's not the case since most people don't get married until after they graduate college, so I don't have to worry about being shunned or being looked at with the kind of disdain that you reserve for a deformed piece of produce at the grocery store.

So I told her "I'm trying, but it's not really working out."  Then she related an experience about how she went on an internship to Salt Lake City in the Summer of 2006 (while I was still on my mission) and how a few of her fellow interns mentioned to her that being from so far away could be what was turning people off from wanting to pursue a relationship with her.  I didn't start this whole relationship conversation, or even asked her for insight or comments, and yet I found myself in her shoes, as if I was hearing the interns saying that to me personally.  Hmmm.

Strike 1.

Second conversation: Tuesday afternoon.  I had some time to kill between classes, so I sat in the TSC Juniper Lounge and just went over some reading assignments for my class on Wednesday, and one of my friends from my freshman year here at USU came in and saw me, and she freaked out because she hadn't seen me since last Spring.  She ran over and gave me a hug.  I'm not very touchy-feely, not because I don't want to be but rather because I don't know if my hugging them is welcome or not so I just err on the side of caution; but when I get a hug from someone, especially one like THAT, all your problems melt away and you are content.  That's what that hug meant to me (I know you're reading this, so thank you).

Anyway, we were there talking, and Lindsay (again, name has been changed) told me all about how life was going for her.  She told me she was excited for her study abroad program this coming Fall (she will be teaching English in Russia), and I asked her about the boy she was dating and how that was going to work out.  She told me she had broken up with him last May, and how there were a number of guys that took her on dates during the Summer and Fall.  She mentioned that one of them was from Kentucky (Versailles, to be exact, which is about half an hour to the west of Lexington), and even though she liked him a lot she decided not to pursue that relationship.  I asked her why (you gotta help a brother from your neck of the woods out, you know) and she said "well, Lance is great, but he's from Kentucky, and that's the problem."

Ok, hold the phone.  "That's the problem"?  My interest was beyond piqued on this one.  I asked her to elaborate, because he's from a place only two hours away from me.  She then said that marrying him would be a huge mess since his family's from there and she is from Price, Utah, and that distance would mean she would have to split her time between Utah and Kentucky.  Lindsay is very perceptive (or she must have the gift of telepathy), because she immediately said "you're asking that because you're worried that girls may think that about you, aren't you?"  I wasn't going to lie, so of course I said yes.  I quickly responded that if you really care about someone that much, things work out and you shouldn't be counting people out on things that are out of their control like that, especially where they're from.

She then gave me a recommendation that I didn't ask her to give, which I'm not sure how to take.  "I know a lot of girls that think this way, and even though it's not fair to guys like you from out-of-state, there's not much you can do to convince someone to stop thinking that way.  Maybe it is an immature way to think about it and judge people, but I still think you'll have better luck only dating girls from your part of the country.  If you don't, you'll just be frustrated all the time by trying to date girls from Utah."

I was a bit flustered even by her comment itself, not even counting my dating experiences while here at Utah State.  I was quick to remind her that there are very few people out here from any states other than Utah and the surrounding areas, and even less that are still single.

"Well, I know that stinks, but it was your choice to come out here for school."

Cool.

Strike 2.

Third conversation: Friday morning.  I had some more downtime between two of my classes, and this time I went down to the Hub in the TSC to read the newspaper and catch up on a bunch of emails.  Christina (name changed) spotted me just after I sat down and came and sat next to me in the booth I was in.  She's a friend from the first semester I was back after my mission, so I've known her for two years now.  Another excellent friend, I went to her sealing and reception last spring.  She's from Riverton, Utah.

After some catching up, she mentioned how she was going down for the wedding reception of a friend on Saturday night in Riverton, and asked me if I was going.  I told her I got the invite, but I had already committed to going to another reception in West Valley City so I couldn't go.  She joked with me "are you ready to get told 'You're Next!' for four hours?", referring to how everyone you know at the reception (especially older people) always paints a target on your back to be married next, complete with the elbow-nudging and sly smile.  I chuckled, "no, not really, but you gotta bite the bullet and go to the reception anyway".  Which is absolutely true, at least, that's what I do.

She asked me who I was taking to the reception with me and I told her I was going by myself, and she was appalled.  She then enlightened me to how (according to her and people she knows), it's kinda taboo to go to a wedding reception alone in Utah because it looks like you're "sleeping on the job".  That's the phrase she used to describe it, but I knew exactly what she meant.  She then said something echoing what Margaret and Lindsay had said earlier that week: "have you ever thought that you being from Ohio is a liability for you when dating people?  I mean, being from so far away and only getting to see your family once a year can give girls the idea that you're not family-oriented."

Wut.

"I mean, you took the jump to move thousands of miles away from home to attend school, and most people don't do that because they want to be near to their families.  I know you love your family, but people might think that, even if it was a better decision money-and-atmosphere-wise to come out here."

I don't remember what I said after that, except that I was between a state of disbelief and surprise at her answer, and how similar it was to what Lindsay and Margaret had said earlier in the week.

Strike 3.

So in summary, going to the wedding was great.  It was wonderful to see a great friend get married for time and all eternity, because you are happy for them.  But even without the conversations from this week, I am still tired of going to receptions alone and getting hounded as to why I'm not "on the ball" with getting married.  It's a love-hate relationship- I love going for the happiness I feel for the couple, but beyond that it's anything but uplifting.  Maybe I'll bring an inflatable doll next time.  Or a mannequin, I can probably get away with "borrowing" one from Dillard's.

So I am left thinking, but I'm doing my best to not be fatalistic about everything involving girls because they have so many Godlike character traits I am trying to emulate.  But you have to admit, the similarity between these comments is uncanny.

What do you think?