Most people were of the persuasion that they thought the three girls I spoke to were stupid, and that their own personal experiences or biases don't ever translate into people using location as an obstacle for relationships.
One friend said the following:
"I've never heard anything so stupid before....I have honestly never had the thought of not dating someone because of where they were from. I'm kind of shocked right now, to be honest."Most of the comments were along these lines, so I'm a little bit relieved to hear that it's not as prevalent as these girls made me believe. I mean, after all, I rather enjoy wearing my Ohio State/Cincinnati shirts and showing people pictures of back home.
There were, however, some people that felt that the post resonated with them, and in the words of one person, it "gave voice to how I've been feeling while I've been at school". I know everyone's situations are different, so of course my experience isn't going to resemble everyone's (especially in the details), but reading the long emails about people where I can tangibly feel their frustration made me resent the fact that some people really DO think this way even more.
One person put it in these words:
I currently live in an area where there are only 4 young men who are still temple worthy, unmarried, and RMs (not that this number would increase if we added non-RMs). Half of them are in their mid 30s, one is 29 and is very particular about the kind of girls he dates, and I've dated the only other guy in the area (we are better as friends). My friend sometimes tells me about the guys who ask her out and what they do, and let me just tell you how I wish that was available here. Not only would I love to get a chance to experience that kind of dating, but there are many sweet gals in the same boat here who will never get a chance. If I want to get asked out by a good church guy they are 2 1/2 hrs away.
I am from the closest metropolitan area to where I live now and I try to get home as often as I can. When I'm visiting at home I participate in their YSA Ward, but I'm still considered as a visitor and get ignored by a majority of the people I am around. I have my few friends there, but they are getting married and moving on. People don't seem to care because it is too much effort. They see it as too much effort to get to know a person who might not live there all the time, especially when they have a multitude of people who are much closer.
(Side Note: Another thing that frustrates me- is many of the guys in my hometown area who I consider to be great guys decide that they have to go to UT to get a "perfect mormon" wife and they don't come back until they accomplish their mission. That is like a slap in the face to those of us who are trying so hard to do what is right in a place where there seems to be so much outside pressure. You should know what growing up in that kind of environment is like, it takes courage and true faith to be the only one in your school willing to stand up for what you believe.)Her last paragraph was spot-on, and it was that much more profound because she experiences these things in a state other than Utah, and even more as a girl having to deal with guys being foolish and thinking this way. Fight the good fight!
The ultimate comment came yesterday when I was eating in the TSC Hub with a girl I've known since last spring semester. Very attractive, funny, has an amazing testimony, very service-oriented- what a dream. Right before we got up to go to our different classes, she mentioned almost in passing
"oh and by the way, I read your last blog post. I was floored when I read it, and I have to confess- I've been attracted to you since we met, but I never let that go anywhere because I knew you were from so far away and I thought that could cause friction. Sorry."Point.
Set.
Match.
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