Nothing Else Matters

It's been a month...a long, drama-filled, month with the Council, and this will be the highlight reel.  Much more can be said, but there's no need.  I think you can get the picture from this post.

During the break we were very surprised by the actions of some very close friends regarding relationships.  I know I had very strong feelings on the matter, and it involved these people saying one thing and doing another.  Saying they wanted an awesome guy who respects them, treats them like a queen, is accomodating and supportive, etc, yet when the time comes they go to the person that they have told us all along that was making them feel restricted, trapped or disrespected.  I'm not going to post any names or details about the situation, but it was just totally ridiculous.  Out of respect for these people, details won't be mentioned, but the gist of the whole thing is that we felt betrayed on a number of levels, so much so that we were simply appalled that it even happened.

I don't meant to come off as a pessimist, but in a very "this is what I experienced, and that's just the way it is" kind of way, this break reaffirmed many of the things I have heard girls say "I don't do that!" or "you can't generalize girls to all be that way".  I'm sure guys are just as big of a disappointment, but at least for me it gets to a point where I just get totally fed up.

That's not to say guys are better or "more perfect".  Far from it.  More on that later.

Girls, in general, are very manipulative, self-centered and cowardly.  Most guys are too, but everyone expects that, which makes it that much cooler when a guy bucks that trend.  Same with girls, I suppose, but girls are a LOT more alike in this generalization that they would like to admit.  This break, though, showed me that trust is a precious commodity- one that cannot simply be given or traded like the 10-cent friendship bracelets you would use in Kindergarten.  It must be earned, and therefore it can be lost or taken away.

We felt very betrayed because a person we trusted and felt really had the vision, the perspective, to go through life and be successful in every way, turned out to be lying to us the whole time.  To us they would say one thing, and to everyone else they said another.  A people-pleaser.  Sooner or later we are all faced with the decision to choose between what is right and what is easy.  This person took the easy road, plain and simple.

Girls are very indirect, as was discussed a month ago (from a girl, at that), and if they stop liking you they don't do anything to cut those romantic ties.  They will be around you and pretend like you don't exist.  My question is, if they don't care about the person or the situation or want it to "turn out well", why in the heck are they even making such an effort to avoid dealing with it?  It's harder to keep up the act instead of just taking care of it.  If this is not reality, then fine, but actions speak louder than words.

Oh and one other thing- although I very much agree with the idea of a wingman (or wingwoman) to help you in social situations, especially with regards to the opposite sex, the idea of being a blocker for your friend and getting in their way so they can't spend time with a guy (or girl) is ridiculous.  The more I experience being blocked by their friends, the more I think I resent their friend for doing so (and partly them too, because they can't be oblivious to what their friend is doing).  I sometimes want to just turn to their friend and say "step aside, please, let me talk to her."  Perhaps I'm just insensitive towards the blocking friend, but honestly, sometimes they need to get a life and let their friend take care of themselves.

Examples: quit hanging around your friend at a party, and talking her ear off the whole time.  For goodness sakes, go socialize and let people talk to her instead of keeping her under lock and key.  Or even sitting next to them during a movie instead of letting the guy have the seat.  The principle remains the same.  I'm not sure whether it has to do with the friend being insecure, or not being able to move on and have a life of their own (being clingy), but it is annoying.  If I ask a girl out or try to spend time with one person, I expect to do just that, not go on a date with her AND her 892312 friends.  It's not a package deal.

Maybe this also explains why bathroom trips when in restaurants for girls always involves 20 girls instead of the one that needs to use the ladies' room.  I had no idea girls needed that much help going to the bathroom or washing their hands.

Ok, that was a joke, but still.  It's ok to fly solo once in a while.

I already went through a relationship where the girl had a friend like this, and it got to the point where both myself and my girlfriend had to talk to her and say "hey, we love you, but we are dating, so you can't hang around us all the time because it's between us two, not you.  We don't mind if you tag along sometimes, but your behavior is dragging us down."

Anyway




This whole post's point is to say, girls, quit being stupid.  Like, REALLY stupid.  Friendships are great, and we don't expect you to be perfect, but don't be afraid of change.  Everything worthwhile in life involves risk, and relationships are no exception.  Having served missions, we know that it can be horribly unsettling not knowing everything, not seeing everything in your future like in a crystal ball.  But it's when you allow opportunities to enter into your life, and you being willing to try them out, that the greatest joys in life are to be found.  Kinda like when you are about to knock on someone's door to tell them about the Gospel- you are TERRIFIED of what may lie on that side of the door, but you have two choices: be paralyzed and walk away, and live the rest of your life thinking "what if?", or putting your hand to the door, bearing your testimony and letting the Lord take care of the rest.  There's no guarantee of success when you tract, and the same is the case in relationships.  Without risk, there is no reward.

My roommate and I came to the profound- yet simple- realization that in life, relationships are the most important thing.  Nothing else matters in comparison.  Our premortal life was centered around our relationship with Heavenly Father.  Our mortal life is defined by the relationships we choose to cultivate, with families, friends and the Lord.  Eternity will be defined by the company we will keep- will we be with God, our families, those we love and those that love us, or with a miserable lot of people that are just drifting around as individuals, wishing they had done better?  That was the reason why Satan being cast out without a mortal body was such a damning punishment- he could never have a family or enjoy the kind of eternal relationships that we have the opportunity to have.  If he can get us to forget how important those relationships are, he prevents us from being our best or enjoying the blessings promised to us.  That's how he wins.

Everything, including our careers, day-to-day decisions, and motivations, are centered around relationships.  The person with their head screwed on straight understands that the career they have isn't to get lots of money or buy a nice car, but rather because it's to provide for people you love and to serve others.  It's one thing having success in work, school, etc...but when you come home to an empty house, your life becomes just as empty and meaningless.  That's what makes the Atonement so incredible, and why it is the most important act ever performed in human history- the entire purpose is to bind people in relationships that last forever, and helps us understand that love should be the motivation for all we do.