The Breaking of the Fellowship

So we've all been busy this summer- I've been doing EFY, Bill is in Provo working his job, Nick, Jon and Daniel are all busy working for the summer, and Taylor is a married man.  I believe the time has come.

The blog will still be around at this address, but if anyone wants to read any new posts, they can just look at my personal blog HERE.  I'll just import a copy of the previous posts I added onto my personal blog so everything can be in one place.

But who knows- perhaps with the start of a new school year, we will have more Council members that will want to jump-start the blog again.

By no means is the Brethren Court dissolved, however- the fan page on Facebook will still be there, as well as this blog itself.  You just won't see new updates unless others decide to contribute more, which requires us being together to discuss such manly matters.

If you have any questions, feel free to comment or email us and we'll answer them.  If you have any Q&A type stuff, you can still send those- they will be answered on this blog instead of my personal one.

Until then, let's go hunt some Orc.

Vitamin Beef- It Does A Body Good

Having gone to EFY these last two weeks as a counselor (even though I'm sure I could sneak in there and pass as a participant), I came to some important realizations about relationships.  It mostly has to do with the "Utah Effect"- you know, how everyone is so marriage crazy that every conversation ends up on the topic of relationships, and how everyone seems to be in a hurry to get hitched. There was a previous post that talked about wedding receptions and how annoying those can be, but me blogging about this comes as a surprise, because I was under the impression that being at EFY would keep me busy and not worrying about such things.
The boys in my group brought up the Point System on Wednesday being used by a lot of the girls, and one of them mentioned what every guy's score was (for example, you get 50 points for playing guitar, another 50 for being ripped, another 50 for being funny, etc).  When we think about it, we all know about this system, but it was funny because one of the girls in our group thought that I was an automatic 500 (which is the magic number for a "dream guy").  The main reason was since I was an EFY counselor, so apparently that's some kind of statement about me and my personality.  And that got me thinking- I may be a 500 to some teenager because I'm a counselor, but when I interact with people of my same age then who knows what my "score" is, since the counselor thing doesn't really count.

As I thought about it more and more on Friday, I thought "being an EFY counselor is a great privilege and opportunity, but it also kinda means that I suck at life, since I'm not married yet".  That's a pretty fatalistic way of seeing it, I know, but I don't mean to make a statement about all the other fantastic counselors that worked with me these past two weeks.  This is strictly me talking about myself.
Another thing that got my mental hamster wheel turning

was how so many people working at EFY with me kept referring to a statistic that says between 10-14% of counselors found their future spouses while working EFY (as in, they were other counselors).  I know it's said as more of a gag, but I really don't think it wouldn't get mentioned if people didn't at least have it in the back of their minds.  After all, most everyone working EFY is single, and there's the whole C.O.W. (Crush Of the Week) thing where everyone is expected to have someone they flirt with throughout the week.

Matter of fact, two weeks ago at the end of my first session, one of the other counselors just straight-up asked me who my COW was.  I replied that I didn't have one, and she kept insisting that she was sure I had one.  I explained to her that the way I think about girls in my head is strange- I acknowledge that someone's attractive, but I never really think about a girl past that (which explains why I seldom ask girls out on dates, since they have to really wow me before I even consider doing anything about it).  No, I'm not saying I don't have hormones or a sex drive or anything like that, but rather that I am just ultra-cautious.  I don't bother with a girl unless I know the attraction is mutual on some level.

Between these experiences at EFY and getting five wedding invitations this past week, I can say I do feel the pressure.  In spite of being stuck in a relationship Crock-Pot,

that's not my motivation for looking for Mrs. Right- far too many people treat getting a girlfriend and getting married like an item on a checklist, or to gain social approval.  For me it's because the mission taught me the value of being with someone who will constantly build you up, and my last relationship taught me how that plays out with the opposite sex.  Feeling loved by someone is so empowering, there's just no other way to describe it- you feel like you are Superman, and that you can do anything.  Plus, as I explained in an earlier post, relationships are all that matter in life.  Going into a career, graduating from college, and everything else that follows is pretty meaningless if you're just alone and by yourself the whole time.  When someone else you love is the focus for all that you do, life carries meaning and the Gospel becomes the bridge between mortality and what you hope to be in eternity.  Everything just...comes together.

At the end of the day, I've decided that the whole COW thing, and worrying about actually finding someone is pretty overrated.  The rewards are huge, but Utah culture and the social expectation to "get on the ball" and tie the knot just multiplies the frustration and pushes you away from relationships instead of toward them.  More than anything, I think I'm just exhausted and drained when people ask me if I'm dating anyone, and once I do tell them I'm single, they pretty much sit me down and give me the whole "she's out there" or "you haven't found her yet" talk.  And then they add I should be dating people.  Good encouragement, sure, but these people sometimes act and talk to you as if you're totally clueless and didn't know you were even supposed to be liking girls, much less courting them.  They forget that for some people, things just don't work out.


In conclusion, the only kind of COW I like are the kind that graze in fields and end up on my dinner plate.

I do feel bad, however, because I was talking to a dear friend about this very topic on Friday night. I was unusually frustrated when I spoke with her about all this, since everything seemed to be piling on all in one day, but regardless of how I had been feeling that day, it wasn't cool at all how negative and rude I was acting towards her during that conversation.

My tone in addressing her was, in large part, due to the fact that I had feelings for her.  Hearing the whole "she's out there" thing from her made me realize there wasn't a mutual attraction there, so I had to quickly backpedal and get rid of any attraction I had towards her in the course of just a few minutes (during the conversation).  The part that sucks the most isn't the whole "oh man, that sucks, I really liked that girl, but it turned out to be a dead end", but rather that we haven't talked since then so I know I offended her.  Mad apologies are in order, but figuring out how and when to do it is the trick.  This is what happens when you try to be friends with someone and then you end up developing feelings for them.  Blah.

To Risk

Found this today.  Fantastic. 

To Risk

To laugh is to risk appearing the fool.
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental.
To reach out is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self.
To place your ideas and
dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss.
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To live is to risk dying,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk failure.
But risks must be taken because
the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing,
has nothing, is nothing.

– William Arthur Ward (1921-1994)

"Welcome Chris"- The Pursuit of Happyness

Shoutouts at Cafe Ibis, 9:50am

I was sitting in the Hub to do homework (for once), but there's something going on here that I can blog about.  So I will.  This guy that knows me (who I don't know- he said hi to me by name) sat down at a table next to mine where a girl is waiting.  Ten seconds into the conversation, I can tell they're having a DTR.

AKA "Define the Relationship"
It was just as gut-wrenching to hear as it is to have it happen to you.  I've felt just like this guy before, and the girl was, in my opinion, trying to mask her immaturity (and even her inability/unwillingness to at least have some empathy towards what he's feeling, even if she doesn't agree) by telling him that he was the one that needed to get his act together and think differently.

Not that I think girls are always wrong, but the guy said some quotable phrases.  Here it goes.

"Dating culture here in Logan is totally strange.  It's not like Provo at all.  In Provo, you actually court girls.  You take them out on dates, spend one-on-one time with them.  That's how you get into relationships.  But here in Logan it's totally different.  Girls don't let themselves be courted, they just prefer to "hang out" in group settings the whole time and get scared off when a guy asks them out on a date.  They like to float around because they feel they aren't ready for a commitment and they don't want to get trapped into a relationship.  But another thing too, people up here get into relationships with people that they've never gone on dates with.  That seems wrong to me."

 Stick it to the man.  Let's break it down, there's some interesting things in this direct quote from a fellow brotha.

"Dating culture here in Logan is totally strange"

 Yep.  The "get married after knowing them for two weeks" mentality isn't the rule here (thankfully), but of course that's not to say it doesn't happen for some people.  If it's true love, no worries.  I've seen so many close friends become divorcees at my age or younger (even as young as 20) that it just reaffirms my belief that healthy, lasting, meaningful relationships really do take time to develop.  Many people (both girls and guys) in Logan have taken that concept to mean that they hold off on even giving things a shot with people they haven't known for years and years.  That kind of implies that if you didn't meet the love of your life your freshman or sophomore year at USU, you are hopeless because you haven't been friends long enough.

"You take them out on dates, spend one-on-one time with them.  That's how you get into relationships."

 YES.  That is called "courting".  That's the way it should be done.  I hate to sound all preachy, but Elder Oaks made it so clear when he gave his "Dating vs Hanging out" talk a few years ago.  "Dating" implies that a guy is interested on more than just a friend level.  Any guy who takes his casual friends on dates with no attraction in mind is doing a great disservice to those girls, and he is an utter fool.  It's a mystery to me where girls got the absurd idea that being asked out on a date means you get entertained and fed for a few hours instead of sitting bored at home on a Friday night.  Nevermind that the guy has obviously thought about you, stressed out about what to do on the date that you would find enjoyable and memorable, worried about what to wear, canceled other plans, has set aside time and money to spend with you (and just you)...the list goes on.  He could've asked any other girl, but he chose you.

If these lame duck guys that are asking out their friends on a strictly friendship level, then I feel I am tempted to feel sorry for the girls being tricked and misled by these guys to define their philosophy on dating.  Any man (not boy) worth his salt and the air he breathes will ask out girls he's legitimately interested in.  The end.

Girls, please understand this.  What I say sounds really scathing, but guys really do need a kick in the pants to man up and grow a pair to formally ask a girl out instead of just hanging out all the time.  If a guy can't do that, he's nothing but a little boy.

"Girls don't let themselves be courted, they just prefer to "hang out" in group settings the whole time and get scared off when a guy asks them out on a date."

Yep.  This has been discussed earlier, like this post by Nick and another one I wrote.

"They like to float around because they feel they aren't ready for a commitment and they don't want to get trapped into a relationship."

 Although yes, all girls are not like this, the simple fact is that the girls who don't act like this are already taken.  You know what I'm talking about.  I can't tell you how many girls have told me the following here at USU:

"I didn't want to go to BYU because I didn't want to get married right away."

 I have zero problems with that.  Any girl that takes college seriously, as educational opportunity to increase her intellect and talents, is an absolute knockout.  Great things are going for those kinds of girls for being goal-oriented and striving towards that goal.  But when girls see that being a fountain of strength for someone else (as well as being willing to let others be that blessing to them as well) as an obstacle to their lives and plans, then there's a lack of perspective.

Relationships are ALL that matter in life.  The Gospel itself tells us that- forever families, being worthy of the Spirit's promptings to bless our lives and the lives of others, learning truth to pass it to our children.  These relationships are all we can take with us after this life and into eternity; once our motivation for everything we do becomes enriching the lives of others, we truly see.  Life becomes wonderful, in spite of our weaknesses and difficulties.  Seeing relationships as a roadblock reeks of pride and selfishness.

"...people up here get into relationships with people that they've never gone on dates with.  That seems wrong to me."

 We've all seen it.  I myself have been guilty of this in the past, and it still bothers me to this day to feel that I didn't do anything to deserve the amazing girlfriend I had just a year ago.  I still regret the fact that our first date was after we were together, but thankfully I learned differently since then.  Giving a girl the time and forethought by actually going on dates is the way to go.

------

Anyway, that's all I can remember from this guy.  Other things were said, but the girl ended things by telling this guy that he needed to understand that "dating and hanging out are the same thing".

Dating does not guarantee results or commitment, I know this.  But this girl is an example of immaturity at its finest.  I sure hope this girl learns quickly, not so she can get married in a week or pity this guy, but so she understands the effect that her view can have on guys that make the time and effort to show sincere interest in her.  From the way he acted towards her, I can tell this guy treated this girl like a queen.

So props to my strawberry blonde-haired friend.  I don't know your name, but there needs to be more guys like you in telling it like it is and making the often ignored and fruitless effort to treat girls like royalty.  You are the man.

This Graph Says It All

Lightning struck my brain during Spring Break.  This was the result.

Discuss.